The Mysterious Case Of The Disappearing Chapstick
by Vienna Deliny
Summary: ""Fuck," he groaned into the pillows of his bed, letting his shoulders and chest fall slack and rub against the cold sheets." A one-shot in which Eric Cartman is experimenting and Kenny McCormick is a horny bastard. Kenman/Keneric and a surprise ship with Liane. M for a reason, kiddos. I don't own South Park or the characters but I do own that sexy fanart cover image, mm.


**AN: This is a smut-fic request from one of my followers on Tumblr. With Seme!Kenny and Uke!Eric. Aha. I had fun writing this. Follow me! ask-crenny-mctucker. Warnings: Boy/Boy, Underage, Sexy stuff, Swearing. Okay, go ahead and read.**

* * *

Eric Cartman had gotten into the habit of sticking things up his ass. Pencils, markers, hairbrushes, anything small he could get his hands on. Of course he knew what he was doing; he may have been 14 but he wasn't clueless.

The idea came to him two weeks ago, when he walked in on his mother with one of her many respectable suitors.

"Yeah... yeah take it Ms. Cartman, that's it," the man groaned into Liane's ear, shoving himself roughly into her ass alongside a previously inserted dildo. The brunette was moaning heatedly, rocking her hips back, using only her knees to support her. She was clenching a pillow to her bare chest, cheek pressed into the sheets.

* * *

"Yeah... yeah take it Ms. Cartman, that's it," the man groaned into Liane's ear, shoving himself roughly into her ass alongside a previously inserted dildo. The brunette was moaning heatedly, rocking her hips back, using only her knees to support her. She was clenching a pillow to her bare chest, cheek pressed into the sheets.

"Oh yes— Yes Mr. Donovan, I'm so full!~" she cheered, eyes closed in bliss, "do me harder!"

Mr. Donovan was happy to oblige, driving into her repeatedly, plowing her gentle frame across the bed.

"Yes! Yes!"

* * *

Eric had jacked off before this, as could be expected from a boy just starting puberty, but it was never as exciting as he'd wanted it to be. His orgasms were nice, of course. But not entirely fulfilling.

And even now, as he pushed the tube of cherry chapstick into his ass, he couldn't admit that the missing feeling he had was having someone's cock shoved into him as deep as it would go.

Because that was fucking gay. And Eric Cartman was /not/ a fag.

He was just experimenting.

"Fuck," he groaned into the pillows of his bed, letting his shoulders and chest fall slack and rub against the cold sheets. He'd taken care to ensure that his mom had gone out to the store at this time, and even though he had the house to himself he'd closed and locked his bedroom door, and shut the blinds. It felt safer to him. One arm was behind him, pushing the tube of chapstick into his upright ass dry; the other was pulling one cheek of his arse away to reveal the needy hole. His knees shifted, and in between them, his cock twitched. He would ignore it for now, focusing on finding that nice spot that the doctor would always have to check. It wasn't until he pushed too far and lost it inside his ass completely that he started to worry. A feeling of panic set over him, the fat brunet trying in vain to get his fingers in to rescue the small plastic item.

"God damnit— motherfucker," Eric hissed. It hurt too much. Now what the fuck was he supposed to do? He supposed he could leave it in, but it was jabbing into something uncomfortable.

He didn't get to think about it too long, as suddenly his phone was vibrating almost off his nightstand. He groaned and sat up on his knees, taking it.

"H-hello?"

"Sup fatass."

"I'm not fat! Ugh. Why are you calling me?"

"Jeez, Cartman. You seem pissy. What's gotten up your ass?"

Eric's face went red. "Why would you think something's in my ass?! I bet you set up cameras in my room, didn't you, you dirty perv?!"

There was a silence on the other end of the room, then a cough. "You're telling me there is really something up your ass right now? Holy shit do I have lucky timing or what..." The blond laughed.

"Shut up you poor piece of shit! I... I need help..."

"What, getting off?"

"N-no! Look, the door's unlocked. Just... just come and I'll explain..."

"Oh, I will," he snorted. You could just see the shit-eating grin he was wearing in his voice, the poor boy completely delighted to be taking part in whatever kinky shit Cartman had gotten himself involved with.

"Hurry... And if you laugh at me I'll kick you in the nuts!"

Kenny stifled his laughter. "Wouldn't dream of it."

* * *

Not ten minutes later, there were footsteps downstairs. Eric was immediately afraid that it may be his mother returning and not his best friend.

"Kinny? Is that you?"

"Damn right~" the blond had suddenly appeared in Eric's doorframe, a smug expression on his freckled face. He took in the other's appearance slowly. The unruly tassels of his light brown hair, the redness of his face with a flustered expression to match, the way his skin shone with perspiration and how his cute little cock was all stood up and ready to meet him, the perfect rolls of extra fat that Kenny found so appealing. He always loved Eric for that. He found chubbiness so desirable. There was more to snuggle into, more to hold and to grab, more of him to feel and more to love. He licked his lips at the sight.

"Don't look at me like that, you poor piece of shit."

"...Like what?" the small blond asked, airily, still utterly entranced by his best friend's erotic state.

Kenny felt himself get hard.

"Like— like you wanna..."

"Wanna help you?" he chuckled a bit, climbing up onto the bed with his best friend, "so, you got something stuck up your ass masturbating."

Eric looked humiliated. "I was not masturbating, dumbass!"

"Uh-huh. Sure. Get on your hands and knees, turn around."

Eric obliged reluctantly. Oh god. He'd never live this down. "You better not fucking tell anybody about this, or I'll turn your parents into chilli."

Kenny ignored the threat. "You wanna tell me how this happened?" he asked, sucking on his fingers in preparation, "if not because you were doing it for your own pleasure?"

"I was obviously... I was... I was hiding it... From my mom."

"What's it anyway?" Kenny asked, "jeez, did it go all the way in? Or is this an excuse to get me to finger you?~"

"Her... chapstick."

Kenny burst out laughing. Eric had tried to fuck himself with a tube of chapstick? This was rich.

"AYE! I told you not to laugh you stupid assh-AHhah!" Eric was cut off as Kenny suddenly shoved his two wet fingers into his opening.

"Oh just admit it, you wanted to feel something inside you, you fuckin' slut," Kenny said lowly, his voice sounding predatory.

"N-no! I'm not gay you fucking fag!"

Kenny frowned, being rougher with his movements just to get back at him for the slur, earning a few yelps of pain in response.

"Neither am I, not totally. Doesn't mean I can't still like dudes," he said simply, "ah. I feel it." Kenny grabbed the tube with two fingers, but instead of pulling it out right away, he pushed it a bit farther, experimenting with the angles. Soon enough, the brunet cried out.

"Fuck! Kenny!" Eric yelled, legs jerking. That was the spot.

"Mmm... feels nice doesn't it?" he asked, rubbing the spot.

"K-Kenny stop it," Eric squirmed, body twitching with pleasure as his prostate was abused.

"Really?" he asked, sounding a bit disappointed.

"Yes!"

Kenny sighed and pulled both the chapstick and his fingers out, leaving Eric both empty and stretched. Fuck, that was a shame.

Eric grumbled a bit, his cock still dripping and in much need of release. "...Ken..." he whispered, turning around and holding his feet together, looking awkwardly into his lap. "Does it uh... would it hurt if you..."

Kenny smiled. "You want me to fuck you."

"...M-maybe. Uh. Just for uh. To see. Even though I know I'm not gay. I just..." Eric was stammering. He was so fucking stupid, why would Kenny even want to have sex with him? He was fat and ugly and a self-centred asshole. And Kenny was... Fuck, Kenny was an angel that for some reason chose to bless him with his friendship. And he'd had a crush on him for almost two years. Always in denial of his feelings, of course. "I'm sorry, never mind, I just-" Kenny cut him off with a kiss, crawling forward on his knees to press their lips together. Eric leaned back, surprised. But pleasantly. He blushed deeply and kissed Kenny back, wrapping his arms around the blond's neck.

"I'm gonna fuck you," Kenny whispered into Eric's lips, who simply nodded with a slight moan just at the idea. He cupped the other's cheek and gave one last peck before pulling away to undo his pants. "Do you have any lube?" he asked, falling back on his ass to wrestle the skinny jeans off.

Eric blinked. "Uh... my mom might have some...?" he said helplessly.

Kenny went up on his knees again. "Nah, too lazy." He spat in his hands and began to stroke himself. "Lay on your back," he ordered softly.

Eric coughed awkwardly and did as he was told, sliding down the pillows until he was comfortable. He put his knees together in embarrassment.

"No..." Kenny breathed, "spread yourself for me, baby." He urged the other's knees apart, lining his dripping cock up to the other's entrance.

"You better be gentle you ..." retort died on his tongue and Eric looked away, trying to hide how nervous he really was.

"Hey... it'll be fine, okay? I wouldn't hurt you. Not unless you asked me to." The blond grinned and with that he pushed his hips forward, slowly penetrating the boy under him. He grabbed the brunet's hips, letting out soft groans. "For someone with such a huge ass, you're really -ah- tight..."

Eric wanted to retort back but he couldn't, his hands grabbing the sheets as he struggled not to break. It hurt. Kenny was a fucking liar! A tear slipped out of one of his eyes, and the blond leaned down to kiss it away.

A few moments later Kenny had pushed in all the way, and for a minute he just stayed there, appreciating the hot tightness on his cock.

"Move, Kinny!" Eric insisted, the tease too much.

"Anything you say," the blond murmured before setting an immediately ruthless pace, digging blunt nails into thick hips as he thrust himself hard and deep into Eric.

Fat thighs twitched and clenched, cries of mixed pleasure and pain releasing from Eric's throat.

Kenny didn't let up, fucking him brutally, the noises of the squeaking bed harmonizing with both of Kenny and Eric's moans to create a symphony of sex that would linger in the air for days after they were finished.

"Ken— Kenny-" Eric cried, "h-higher you asshole..."

Kenny adjusted himself without a word, trying a new angle.

That was it. Eric screamed in pleasure. "There! Yes!"

Kenny drove himself harder into the spot, body controlled now by carnal lust.

"F-fuck... I'm... I'm gonna..." the brunet squeaked out as he was rocked across the bed.

He didn't have to finish the thought, Kenny knew. He kept up the pace while simultaneously beginning to jack the other's cock in time. "Just say my name when you do..." Kenny panted out the request.

Eric's face was red, flushed with sweat and sex. He couldn't have disobeyed if he wanted to. "KENNY!"

Eric came hard on his stomach and Kenny's hand, mind fuzzy.

Kenny came a few thrusts later, groaning Eric's name almost inaudibly.

Eric wasn't used to this, the feeling of some sticky substance filling his ass along with Kenny's cock. He was oversensitive, and each movement made him shake and twitch, every part of him convulsing. "Oh..." he moaned out.

Kenny pulled out and fell on top of him, content. He got cuddly fast. Eric didn't mind, he was so light. The brunet wrapped his arms around the other, Kenny tiredly kissing along Eric's jawline.

"You should let me do this more often," Kenny murmured, causing Eric's blush to light up once again.

"Yeah maybe," he said, flustered, "but you aren't topping again! Now that I uh— know how it works... you're gonna be my bitch, Kinny!"

The blond just giggled, nuzzling his face into Eric's neck. "Okay... I think I can agree to that."

FIN.

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 **AN: Pfff. What was that. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. Seeya~**


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